There are some men’s fashion choices that are best forgotten and left in the decades they emerge from, no one needs a rehash of disco pants, or pretty much anything that we wore in the 80’s and just like fashion, there are definitely some hairstyles that are best left behind.
There are definitely some interesting choices out there, and whilst you may see them in the magazines, that doesn’t mean they should be translated into everyday life. There might be some styles out there that win over your guy group, but they’ll likely scare off any potential partners and turn off your future employers. There are just some things that you shouldn’t do to your hair for fear of spending forever alone or unemployed. So what are the top bad haircuts that every man should avoid? Read on below to find out more.
The grass-top haircut
The really isn’t a worse thing you can do to your head than make it look like a replica of a carrot top. You’re pretty much guaranteed to be the subject of mirth and derisive comments if you cut your hair this way. You know the look. Shaved sides, more length on top. Absolutely no graduation or fading, just a sharp contrast between your scalp and the top of your head. This haircut gives others the distinct impression that your head is a sausage casing from which a tuft of hair is escaping. It’s questionable how you would even elicit this horrible haircut from a hairdresser. How do you achieve this look? We’re not exactly sure what you need to tell your hairdresser or your barber in order to get this particular style, and we’d prefer not to think about it. This style is best avoided, unless you want to attract some unfavourable nicknames.
The troll doll
You’ve probably noticed a few rapper, millennial hipsters and hippy types sporting this look. Think the Lil Pumps of the world. The troll doll is all about neon dipped dreadlocks, teased hair, grubby locks and matted birds’ nests. There’s nothing like looking like a demented 90’s my little pony when you’re out on the town. Whilst this look might be a lot of fun, you’re certainly not going to have any joy with trying to hold down an office job while working this look. This look would have been perfect in your primary school crazy hair day years, but will look out of place beyond the realm of festivals and camping grounds. Unless you’re a rich rapper, this probably isn’t a look that you’ll be able to pull off or sustain for any substantial length of time. Unless you’re a musician or some kind of alternative artist, it’s probably best to avoid this look.
The cut and paste comb-over
It feels like everyone has been sporting this particular look in the last few years. You’ve definitely seen the style; shaved sides, long on top with a comb-over. It’s not the worst haircut, but it’s so overdone at this point that it feels like most of the millennial male population have become clones of each other. This overly prolific style has become the bread and butter of many barbers, who are likely sick to death of recreating it on every client that comes in. Glance around in any public place and you’re likely to see a vast array of tiny variations of this style. This style is very safe, so you’re probably not going to scare of any employers of potential partners but you definitely won’t be winning any style prizes with this look. Life’s too short to play it safe all the time, choose a haircut that compliments your face shape and hair texture instead of just copying the latest hair trend.
The dictator hairstyle
Hair can have a powerful ability to create certain associations with different people or moments in time. A flat top with severe sides is a quick way to evoke the Kim Jong Un association. It’s a look he’s kept for a long time, and it’s intimidating even without the ‘dictator’ link because it’s a harsh hairstyle that kind of makes everyone look like a warlord. This style has a deep contrast so it tends to make everyone look a bit regimented and intense. This military style really isn’t a look you want to try, unless you want to scare everyone away.
Some men can successfully wear a ponytail and make it look good, but it can just be plain, old ugly a lot of the time. Having your hair pulled back into a pony tail can make your face seem harsh. It’s even worse if you try to plait it or pull it into a high pony. Unless you’re confident that long hair’s the look for you and that your face looks great with your hair pulled back, then try to avoid the ponytail.
The man bun
This has been a popular look as of late, but it’s really not a great one. Done right, it can be a nice look but in many cases it’s just bad. In the same way that a sloppy bun isn’t a good look on most women, a poorly done man bun is just going to leave you looking a bit like a lazy, hipster.
The Patrick Bateman
The over-gelled 80’s businessman look was very popular for a while, culminating in its’ on-screen appearance as the hairstyle of choice for psychopathic murderer Patrick Bateman. The 80’s slick-back isn’t really the epitome of modern day style, unless you’re trying to look like a used car salesmen, so steer clear of this haircut.
Culturally tone deaf cornrows
There have been some white rappers and other celebrities who have tried this look on for size over the last few years and it’s just a really bad idea. People are becoming increasingly culturally aware and more sensitive as the years go by, so it’s been pointed out that cornrows are culturally significant to African American people, and that’s it is inappropriate and appropriating behaviour when white people copy the hair style. It’s seen as just another way that white people encroach on the cultural traditions of other minorities. There’s fiery debate on either side of these types of issues, either way, it’s a bit of a faux pas to work this look if you don’t understand any of the history behind it or have any of the afro hair that inspires this kind of look. If you don’t want to end up on the wrong side of history or attract unwanted attention then this might be one to leave alone.
If you’re thinning on top and starting to overdo the comb-over or look like Donald Trump then a hairpiece to hide your bald patch might start to seem like a great idea. Whilst there are hair pieces out there that can blend wonderfully into your hair and look very natural, in many cases it looks absolutely terrible. Everyone’s probably noticed an older gentleman with an overly thick, dark toupee on top of their head. It kind of looks like they’re wearing a fur hat. A poorly fitted toupee is going to leave you looking downright strange and feeling self-conscious out in public. If the colour and the texture isn’t a good match with your hair then you can bet people will definitely notice and it takes a fair bit of skill to make it look like a natural part of your hairline. Most amateurs will end up with that distinct ‘wiggy’ look no matter what they do. Sometimes it’s better not to fight it! If you plan to wear a toupee, make sure you get some pointers from a wig expert.
The boxy military cut
Have you ever seen guys from the army that have the boxy, square military cut or a severe military buzz cut? It’s a haircut that suits very few men, and tends to look overly harsh on every kind of face shape. It best fits men with square, masculine faces but even then it tends to give them an intimidating look. If you’ve got a choice about this look, then it’s better to try out softer styles. Save the army cut for the army!
The weird symbols cut
A recent trend has been to shave symbols like stars, initials, messages or pictures into the hair. It’s certainly creative and a good chance for hairdressers to flex their artistic muscles but this can be a bit like tattooing a star or a love heart on your face. It’s overly visible, it’s not going to sit well with employers and it’s going to draw comment from just about everyone.
The bowl cut
This haircut has pretty much been terrible from the beginning. It’s a haircut universally derided to the point where it was used on ‘Dumb and Dumber’ as the haircut of choice. The bowl cut basically tells the world that you’re too cheap to go to a barber to get a proper haircut, or that you let your much cut your hair. It’s the haircut you should have left behind in kindergarten. If you’re still wearing the bowl cut, then it’s time to cut it out.
The mafia cut
Unless you’re in the mafia, avoid the overly polished, oily hair. Some men wear the look thinking it makes them look like a bad boy, when really it just makes them look greasy.
The side lines
Shaving lines in the side of your head was an edgy, cool look for a while but it’s time to leave it behind in the early noughties and move onto newer looks. Unless you’re a world famous soccer player, this is probably just going to leave you looking a bit like you slipped with the razor.
The mullet was the peak of fashionable men’s hairstyles for a little while. Luckily, we’ve moved beyond the ‘business in the front, party in the back’ look and this is definitely not a hairstyle that should be making a comeback any time soon, although some may try.
Whilst a lot of these looks are best avoided, there’s no hard and fast rule. These hairstyle no-no’s are all in jest and it’s each to their own when it comes to style. If you like to wear neon dreadlocks, or really think a mullet suits you, or you’ve been dying to shave your own initials in your hair then go for it! Some people have the confidence and style to pull off anything. If your job is cool with you doing whatever you want with your hair then sometimes it’s just fun to go with it. It’s just worth it to be aware that trying out some of the weirder and wackier styles in the world can elicit strong responses from other people – it might even hurt your dating chances! The most important thing to do with your hair is to work with your face shape and natural texture to find a style that suits you and makes you feel good about yourself.